My story. Ehh.
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My story. Ehh.
I made this around a year and a half ago, and I plan on updating it as time goes by. Grammar and spelling have improved since then, and that's probably the main reason why I want to update it. I will continue it later, but right now I only poses 9/13 chapters that I had originally written.
I want to create something that will immerse the reader into the story. Make them feel that it's actually happening. I want them to know what the actual person is doing, rather than reading something and passing it off. I've touched up a bit, but not enough to create the immersion. Here's just the prologue that I'll post. The original that I have (The 9 chapters) was 16,211 words. I have updated to 21,393 words so far, and that's just in the prologue, and half of the first chapter alone. I will also post the comparisons in the two different versions to show what I've done.
Chapter Zero: The prologue.
Original
Updated version
I plan to make this the smallest chapter of the entire thing, as it's a first glimpse of what's going on in the story, and past-tense of what's caused the current situation. This is usually known as "The enticement".
Current: 34 pages
Expected: 90 pages (At this rate, I'm trippling the content on each page. Some chapters are near what I want them to be, so I may just add a little bit to the said chapters.)
This is what I do in my spare time.
I want to create something that will immerse the reader into the story. Make them feel that it's actually happening. I want them to know what the actual person is doing, rather than reading something and passing it off. I've touched up a bit, but not enough to create the immersion. Here's just the prologue that I'll post. The original that I have (The 9 chapters) was 16,211 words. I have updated to 21,393 words so far, and that's just in the prologue, and half of the first chapter alone. I will also post the comparisons in the two different versions to show what I've done.
Chapter Zero: The prologue.
Original
- Spoiler:
- Chapter One: The prologue.
Long ago, began a legend, which was to be remembered for eons to come. This legend didn't begin like any normal legend, but ended like every legend should. This is the story of the eight heroes that saved the Maple World from the evil and terror of the last minion summoned by the Dark One, who had survived for over 100 years. I will take you from the beginning, till the end, of how that very legend came to be.
Follow me, as I reveal, the true story.
The powerful grudge The Dark One possessed over the Maple World grew larger and larger. His grip was tighter than ever before. The Maple World was being overrun by the power and terror of the minions summoned by The Dark One. The entire continent of Ossyria was under the control of The Dark One, forcing everyone to back into Victoria Island, the only safe haven for the Maplers. But it was only time before The Dark One began the crusade on the last free land.
The powerful minions that The Dark One summoned, lead his armies into battle, to take over this land; Zakum, Horn Tail, Papulatus and the Pink Bean, all Generals. It was until two Maplers stood up, and rid the continent and the land of The Dark One. With help from the 5 heroes, he was sealed away, along with his generals.
It was until now, 100 years after that epic battle, that the Generals have come alive, with help from the most powerful General for The Dark One, The Pink Bean. His grip of time has freed his magic from his prison, and began the terror on the Maple World once again. After 100 years, the Maple Worlds newest heroes have emerged. This is the story that began, and shall end. The fight has only just begun.
Updated version
- Spoiler:
- Chapter Zero: The prologue.
Long ago, began a legend, which was to be remembered for eons to come. This legend didn't begin like any normal legend, but ended like every legend should. This is the story of the eight heroes that saved the Maple World from the evil and terror of the terrifying underling summoned by the Dark One, who had survived for over 100 years. I will take you from the beginning, till the end, of how that very legend came to be.
Follow me, as I reveal, the true story.
The powerful grudge The Dark One possessed over the Maple World grew larger and larger. His grip was tighter than ever before. The Maple World was being overrun by the power and terror of the horrific monsters summoned by The Dark One. The entire continent of Ossyria was under the control of The Dark One, forcing all survivors to seek refuge on Victoria Island, the only safe haven that The Dark One had yet to consume. But it was only time before The Dark One began the crusade on the last free land.
The powerful monsters summoned by The Dark One, lead his armies into battle, to take over this land; Zakum, Horn Tail, Papulatus and the Pink Bean, all commanders within his army, leading their own sick and twisted form of subordinates that were nothing short of wicked beasts and horrific creations. It was until two Maplers stood up, and rid the continent and the land of The Dark One. Sacrificing themselves, they were able to seal away The Dark One and his four generals, locking them away in different lands, to never be seen again.
Taking in their skills and abilities back then, and the advice they had received from the two saviours, the heroes set out to create a new world. A world where everyone was safe, and that our children could become the heroes they have always wanted to be. The heroes were nothing short of genius’ when it came to their skills and knowledge, and so they set out, to create a town or a city, where families could come from near and far, and live under the protection they believed to be absolute. Many people came seeking training, while others came seeking a new life, this is what they wanted to create.
And so it was, the 5 heroes went out to create a new world;
Dances with Balrogs, the quiet master of absolute strength. With his immense strength, and hardened personality, he has mastered the many melee weapons of old, creating three masterful styles which we see today; The Dragon Knight, White Knight and Crusader.
Athena Pierce, the keen eye of dexterity. Her sight has never failed her, and neither has her fierce personality that we see today. Her training in ranged weaponry, and with combination of her eye sight, makes sure she never misses her target. She’s mastered both bows and created exceptional styles; The Ranger and Crossbowman.
Master Grendel, the intelligent magician. His title may not be much, and his nickname “Grendel the really old” may look like he’s not to be feared, but his knowledge knows no bounds, and his wisdom is just as highly looked upon. He has mastered all elements and managed to create the ultimate in magical abilities with the Ice and Lightning wizard, Fire and poison wizard, and Priest.
Dark Lord, master of shadows. Quiet and stealthy, hugging the shadows, Dark Lord as he’s known to many people, has mastered the darkness, and turned it into an ally. He has mastered two forms of combat; The Hermit and Chief Bandit.
Kyrin, the malicious pirate. A rebel at heart, Kyrin sought out the new world, to discover new technologies and techniques unique and never seen before, and mastered pistols and battle gloves no normal Mapler could master. She then adapted and created two styles; The Marauder and Outlaw.
For years now, the valiant heroes of Victoria, or should we say, the now teachers of old, have been training our young children to never let this sort of thing happen again. Not just any children, but those who possessed the traits of a true hero. Each town, each city, bred the new champions of this world. Creating a home where the new heroes could use as a safe learning area, a place where wisdom can be shared, and safety can be made. These cities would never have come to fruition if it wasn’t for our two brave, yet gentle saviours. On that day, 100 years ago, the world gave birth to not two men, but to two gods, who gave everything they had, to give us what we have today.
It was until now, 100 years after that epic battle, that the Generals have come alive, with help from the most powerful underling of The Dark One, The Pink Bean. His grip of time, and its power of age, has weakened his prison, and set free just enough magic from his prison to cause terror on the Maple World once again. After 100 years, the Maple Worlds newest heroes have emerged. This is the story of how it all began, and how it all will end. The fight has only just begun.
I plan to make this the smallest chapter of the entire thing, as it's a first glimpse of what's going on in the story, and past-tense of what's caused the current situation. This is usually known as "The enticement".
Current: 34 pages
Expected: 90 pages (At this rate, I'm trippling the content on each page. Some chapters are near what I want them to be, so I may just add a little bit to the said chapters.)
This is what I do in my spare time.
MyNameIsSean- Posts : 5
Join date : 2011-11-30
Re: My story. Ehh.
Oh wow c:
We have a writer on here!
Hehe, how nice.
You're really good! I can never write something
like that. It's really nice and detailed!
Good luck with your story (:
We have a writer on here!
Hehe, how nice.
You're really good! I can never write something
like that. It's really nice and detailed!
Good luck with your story (:
Demon- Posts : 84
Join date : 2011-11-08
Location : lost
Re: My story. Ehh.
Yeey!!!
The story is back I still remembering reading it and wishing you would continue and then Poof forums gone D;
Wish you luck on updating it can't wait to read it all again to refresh the memory
The story is back I still remembering reading it and wishing you would continue and then Poof forums gone D;
Wish you luck on updating it can't wait to read it all again to refresh the memory
Abyss- Posts : 11
Join date : 2011-11-30
Re: My story. Ehh.
Hey Abyss, just a question, do you remember everyone's first name? I want to remove the whole "IGN" thing in the story. I've pretty much forgot the names of everyone except those who I still talk to like Panny and Awesome. (Panny wants her name to be Panny rather than her real one, she doesn't want many people to know it, Awesome is also named Kreigh)
I'll be changing a bit of it around, as well as some of the story, but still trying to keep it funny never the less.
I'll be changing a bit of it around, as well as some of the story, but still trying to keep it funny never the less.
MyNameIsSean- Posts : 5
Join date : 2011-11-30
Re: My story. Ehh.
Eehm
I might know a few....
I don't know wich ign's are in there though if you give me a list i'll give you the names I remember :3 ?
I might know a few....
I don't know wich ign's are in there though if you give me a list i'll give you the names I remember :3 ?
Abyss- Posts : 11
Join date : 2011-11-30
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